Letter To A Friend

Sigh.

A thing I learned early in life is that some people really, REALLY enjoy kicking you in the nuts.

The WHY of this is not important. Sometimes it's because of the sense of power. Sometimes it's sheer gleeful sadism. Sometimes it's because they think you deserve it, and the universe will give no justice to the wicked unless they themselves jump in there and start kicking. The WHY is unimportant.

The important thing is categorizing. There's people I trust, and people I don't. Everyone starts out at the default point of "stranger." And from that sliding scale, you can travel up or down, any direction, into or out of the trust zone. Everyone in my life does this.

But there is a zone on the sliding scale that I pay attention to. It is the zone I reserve for people who repeatedly, willfully hurt me. Or at least go out of their way to try.

Remember: the WHY is unimportant. You might think otherwise, but ultimately, it boils down to this: are these people doing me any good? Can I do THEM any good? Is there any possible solution, here? Can I simply ignore them? Any resolution other than "bend over, here it comes again, whenever they feel like dishing it out?"

Because when I find myself dealing with someone whose only actions towards me are "neutral" or "kicking me in the nuts," with NO other reactions? That's when they go on that zone on the sliding scale.

Note that I don't have to hate THEM. Far from it. Or act against them. Or attack them. Or ANYTHING. If someone is in that zone, it's because I literally cannot put them anywhere else. It is because they and I cannot share a space in peace, at all. If I am in a room with them, they start kicking. If I am near, and they know it, they will seek me out, move into my proximity, and begin kicking. Maybe because they just hate me that much. Maybe because they LOVE me and want to HELP me. Maybe it's to encourage me to act in a manner they find more productive or acceptable to them. Or maybe because they think I deserve it, and God Almighty Himself cannot be trusted to deal me the justice that they think I deserve.

My enemies are the people who MUST try to hurt me, and will NOT leave me alone if they can reach me, conveniently and with little fear of consequence.

I don't have many. A few. And they tend to be relatives. Very few strangers ever developed a pressing need to kick me in the nuts, for some reason. Perhaps I am not such an evil poison thing, after all.

But some people, usually people who loved me, or claimed to, have moved into the Zone. And their motives range from "benign" to "utterly and completely justified in their own minds." That's why I say that the WHY is unimportant. Because it boils down to either "I kick you because you deserve it," or "I kick you to make you behave in a manner I regard as proper."

There was a time when I tried to make the kicking stop. I learned from this that the kicking does NOT stop; it merely takes other forms. Remember, either you deserve it, or you must be what they want you to be; deviations are unacceptable, and will result in kicking. KICKING IS THE NORM, for some folks.

Well, perhaps you have seen where I am going with this. Note that I'm not talking about YOU; I'm in no position to observe, much less judge. I'm just sayin' I have people in my life who would control me, punish me, torture me, if I allow it, that's all. Toxic people who cannot stand to see me live my own life, my own way. I understand that other people have folks like this in their own lives, too, or so I'm told.

I understand you had a bad moment, today, and that you did a thing what needed doing. And that it cost you. I know you well enough to know what it must have cost you. But it was the right thing. I know that if I allow those around me to dictate who and what I'm gonna be (or they won't be happy!)... well, that's just another form of kicking.

And blaming me because other people's lives didn't go the way they wanted? Kicking.

And blaming me because of things I could not control? Kicking.

And blaming me for anything that ever went wrong? Kicking.

And no matter how I loved those people, there comes a point where, for my own sanity, the kicking must stop. And if I have to walk away, and if I have to cut ties, and I have to just let those people go to hell in their own way, well...

You know I love you. Holler if you need me, or just want to talk.