Tuesday, January 12, 2010

How I Got This Way

Born under a weird star, I guess. Always been a weirdness magnet.

Mom attributes it to many things, not least of which was Mom and Dad's first date. Dad showed up on time, so naturally Mom was still upstairs getting ready, so Dad sat down on the couch with Grandma for the obligatory awkward conversation.

"So," said Dad, "What does your daughter like to do for fun?"

"Mostly she likes to screw," said Grandma.

Dad said nothing, because his jaw didn't seem to work; it was now hanging slackly in front of him.
"She likes to go out and screw with about every boy who comes to call," continued Grandma blithely.

Dad managed to muscle his jaw shut. He still did not manage to think of anything to say.

"In fact, she enjoys screwing so much, she'll practice it all by herself in her bedroom at night," continued Grandma, apparently unaware of the thunderstruck condition of my father... who glanced up at this point and saw Mom, standing on the stairs, a look of horrified rage on her face.

"THE TWIST, Mother!" she cried. "It's called THE TWIST, dammit!"

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